Day 7 - Sat 21st March - 90's pub quiz

Protruding nipples, boring chores, poorly accountant, early internet porn and a pub quiz shenanigan success.

Well met Archie the dog on the morning walk who appeared a friendly little thing and certainly more friendly than our cretin of a pup. Getting really bored with all of the C19 talk as it’s a bit dull. The kids have not removed their pyjamas since rising from their respective stinking pits and appear to have their phones super glued to their mitts. Tomorrow we intend to either walk them around a reservoir or they can perform their best Charlie Dimmock impression. This means working in the garden, and not wandering around with protruding nipples. Other boring chores completed include fixing the back gate and laying a path out the back of said gate into the park, man skills go boom!

Sick neighbour..

Mid-afternoon and an ambulance arrives next door and my neighbour, male, 50 and dull as an accountant giving a lecture on importance of brushing your teeth correctly, is wheeled on board the waiting hospital wagon. That being said I do hope he’s alright.

Messaged my mate Milky as his parents reside just around the corner. Told him to get the oldies to give me a shout if they need anything. Suppose this is the least I can do having spent many nights during the late 90’s drinking cans of lager in his bedroom whilst watching TFI Friday. Oasis blaring from the speakers, which if it was my house would have pissed me right off. Once suitably half tanked we’d head down to the local with Mad Paul to have a go at the quiz.

Used to have quite an affinity with that tavern having frequented it since the age of seventeen. The initial appeal as a thirsty skint teen was the 99p a pint of Cameron’s best scotch, an offer that both Venkmann and myself were very keen to exploit. Actually Venkmann works in the medical research centre or something, wonder if he’s been dragged into this? A man so keen on beer in his teens that he selected his degree topic of micro-biology to enhance his home brewing technique.

Back to the beer house, as per most lager establishments the finale in any quiz is a snowball. This isn’t spitting cum in each mouth’s but is normally a question that no-one usually know the answer to.

Not as in philosophical, “Tonight’s question worth 42 pints, what if?” That wouldn’t work. The question was this, “What was the time of sunrise and sunset yesterday?”

As a reminder this period of history was before the masses tethered permanently to the internet via their device of choice. Hopped off to the toilet to ring Curtains whose abode was hooked up to the tinterweb. Remember this was a time when “The Hun” was particularly popular and online porn consisted of either static pictures or a two minute download rewarded with a sixty second clip. This gave birth to speed wanking amongst the youths or so I’m led to believe.

Anyway it was quite bleeding edge for the time but he is a geek after all, as am I so that is meant as a compliment. As Bill Gates once said, “The geek shall inherit the earth!”

The story concludes with three of us grinning forty pints the richer, a victimless crime if you will. They do say cheating never pays…which is just a load of bollix. See Maradona’s handball in the 1986 world cup quarter final against England. What a cunt! Inchioda lo stronzo traditore alla croce. Sii gentile, non hai niente da perdere.

#Pandemic #CheatingCunt #DaveApocalypse