Day 5 - Thu 19th March - Meat Wankers & TFTM

Right we've got loads of shit roll, lets grab the meat...oh and mams are mugs by the way.

My cordless headphones have stopped working..aaarggghhh now podcasts liberally sprinkled with harsh language need to be stuck at a low volume whilst walking the mutt. Highly recommend Top Flight Time Machine (TFTM) and you should start with the Keane Odyssey One, it’s a genuinely hilarious run through the angry bastards second autobiography. It includes major off topic diversions and liberal use of the word cunt. If you’re easily offended or have no soul then don’t bother otherwise get on it people.

Bread bastards!

Managed to acquire a loaf of bread this morning and then Mrs Ap. has served the kids beans on toast so no doughy goodness for me. For fucks sake seriously considering getting my own locked food cupboard. As the kids were taking a break from their scholarship an enforced washing up rota has been imposed. Fucked if yours truly is going be presented with that task. Currently Mrs Ap. does everything for them so in a gripping life lesson they were taught how to clean plates and cutlery. Mams are mugs.

Interest rates are down in order to try and keep the economy in some semblance of stimulation, Teresa May who is currently as happy as a pig in shit that this whole pandemic is not her mess to mop. Best of luck with that Boris. Bumped into my neighbour Righty today and he’s currently enjoying being quarantined from work, for at least the next two weeks with no travel as he’s recently returned from Thailand. About Righty, he is a fun fella and owner of an awesome hot tub, this does not make him a swinger, or if he is why hasn’t he asked me to get involved?

Work is manic and sorting out changes to increase bandwidth, also getting to roll out tech stuff rapidly to enable remote working – wooohooo! The amount of technological advancement you can make in a crisis is class! And I got to play the smug bastard told you so card, moi smug? Abso-fucking–lutely.

Local supermarkets seem to be emptier than previously with the bell ends hovering up all of the meat now that their bog paper fixation has been satisfied. They had best leave the wine shelves plentiful. My local village co-op – home of the free and shoppers draped in pyjamas.

Stay safe but never forget – “Worrying is about as much use as putting tits on a bike.” – Dave Apocalypse circa 2011 a timeless classic. Restez en sécurité et ne mettez pas de seins sur votre deux-roues!

#Pandemic #Titsonabike #DaveApocalypse