Day 11 - Wed 25th Mar - Don't Fear. Love.

Mobile pizza sadness, poorly hamstring, the mullet awakens, shit covered superman, council robots.

Well hello there community, and we are a community by the way, personally I’d prefer if we were a cult but from acorns do mighty oaks grow. Think (?) we are on day 11 or something and already missing the mobile pizza that parks up on the road at the entrance to Jellystone. This has been savoured a grand total of once and my boxer shorts contain a semi on just thinking about it. Now this delicacy is unobtainable I miss it like the deserts miss the rain or the McCann’s miss Maddie.

The days are starting to fall into a pattern 06:30 walk the dog, 09:00-11:00 Covid-19 meetings, 11-12 try and do a bit of work, 12-12:01 relax, 12:02-1630 work like an absolute bastard and 17:00 enforced exercise. Today the exercise was footy, crossing the ball at the park with the eldest and it was fantastic fun but had to play left footed after five minutes as the hamstring began to misfire. Feel like Darren Anderton post 1996. Getting old isn’t half a bitch but you all know this…slowly having evolved into one of the middle aged injury prone players that were readily mocked in my virile youth. The eldest is pretty good at soccer and in some ways better than me but overall not as good – says the man living his dreams through his son with a fucked hamstring…..

The morning started when we bumped into Minty and had a conversation at opposite sides of a beck (think river but full of shit) the same man who as a youngster convinced me as a five year old to “fly” over the five meter river full of human faeces – in case you are wondering this was an unsuccessful attempt reminiscent of Knievel at Colorado canyon. Granted there was more human waste involved, this being the main flow into the local sewage works, in fact in my mind that makes this jump more of risk. Evil never had to worry about typhoid, cholera or hepatitis as part of his landing and or crashing. Did I mention that a fully resplendent superman outfit adorned my five year old person which would soon be dripping in shit?

To highlight Minty Is one of my nearest and dearest friends having known him since before being knee deep in shit wearing a cape…he was still a twat to me at times as a child, being my brothers best mate and quite a few years my senior – believe it was known as character building during the 80’s and bullying from 1995 onwards.

Knob head dog

Work is still crackers and pulling long days, the dog is a complete bell-end and fortunately due to lockdown other members of the family are beginning to understand the challenges of tolerating / caring for him every day. Attempting to accomplish anything while being harassed by a severely autistic dog is nigh on impossible. Absolutely no point in taking him to Vegas to do some card counting as far as I can see.

Tonight’s game show was much the same, social distance and only travel for essentials, all fairly standard. Haircuts were a major topic of discussion in my castle today, how would stylists and barbers work in future? The consensus was some sort of a cross between Mr Tickle and those robot hands that grandparents would bring back from Scarborough in the mid-80s.

Starting to consider getting a mullet ….again will need to see if Dr Venkmann is up for it again – yes that does say again, we were keen proponents of the style in circa 2000. Our trail blazing hair based elegance never really caught on as a trend. For a couple of months we were absolutely stunning - even if I do say so myself.

Watched the latest episode of Picard which provoked robot musings in that the Borg seem to be the Etonian segment of robotic society where as Cybermen appear to be more the council estate version. Borg = more money and better connections but at the end of the day just a set of selfish cunts with a slick PR department.

Couldn’t go for a run today as I had a sore Achilles tendon and I’m an old cunt, that being said I’ll never be as old as my wife. Breaking news that Prince Charles is now stuck in due to Covid – 19 and Andrew is stuck in with Sienna – 14….bit sick but good… and by God Andrews’s interview was horrendous. Very similar to an interviewing my dog to understand why he always shits in the nettles.

Now that the necessity of driving vehicles is no longer a necessity the gloves have been removed for mid-week boozage. Last night I got so mortal I can’t even remember getting home from the kitchen. Joking aside it’s my birthday tomorrow and the Mrs seems to be worrying I won’t have any presents, although I will have her life, not really that bothered as we can sort it out after this fun and games is over. As long as the people close to me remain safe and the people I don’t care about get a nasty cough…sorry that’s a heartless joke as generally it’s easy to see the best in people which is one of the reasons I was recently bequeathed my knighthood arise “Sir Cool as fuck.”

Finally as (we were out of wine) my mum hasn’t seen anyone in the flesh we popped around and were given a goodie bag of wine, Prosecco, kitchen roll and some sweets for the kids – which may or may not have been confiscated on the journey back by some nasty policemen - is there any other kind? Occasionally (see that I did a rhetorical)… any-hoo time to log off as I’m boring me never mind you and I need to catch up on Better Call Saul….see you later listeners and remember compassion is key. "Don’t Fear. Love" - Top Flight Time Machine. TTFN Dickheads. La compassione è la chiave, non temere. Amore.

#Pandemic #SupermanFail #DontFear.Love #DaveApocalypse