Day 10 - Tue 24th Mar - People Avoidance

Lock down arrives, no letter from Boris, toilet break down, home schooling, dog walking schedule and a new tenant

As of now on we are all on lock down, or social distancing as its being badged / marketed. I do however have a cunning plan and it’s as cunning as a fox who has just been appointed the professor of cunning at the University of Devious in Slysville…..walk the dog at weird hours. First walk 6:30 and saw possibly 6 people, current plan is to walk the ignorant fucker later at night as well.

Adopted kids?

No tabs for three days which is obviously a good thing from a health and cash perspective and no early birthday letter from Boris to say I’m a full paid up member of the 1.5% most at risk club, a MARC if you will. Let’s see if it arrives tomorrow…not sure if I want one or not as it does enable priority delivery for food but on the other hand Mrs Ap. will go insane. Already think she is spending far too much time than is healthy watching the news broadcasts and worrying herself daft. On the plus side the kids have been fantastic and have spent each morning completing homework set by the less lazy teachers. These has required no cajoling…..they must get that from Mrs Ap. or they were adopted and I can’t remember which?

New lock down tactic, we have three toilets one downstairs, one upstairs and an en-suite, look at me look at me! Can’t drop the Cosby kids off at the pool without interruptions so started to time my poop breaks with big Boris’s speech which at least removes the chance of interruption. To compound the lockdown the main bathrooms cistern is **FUBAR and no-one is allowed to poop downstairs next to the front door – not my rule.

**FUBAR – Fucked up beyond all recognition, example, that John Wayne Bobbit’s cock is FUBAR.

Also managed – by some fucking miracle – to get a tenant into one of my empty houses, spent this evening trying to sort that shit out electronically. He seems cash rich and bank account light but he does earn his wedge in the building trade so good luck to the fella. Ah tradesman thank you all for not paying tax, not all of you but you know who you are.

“May you live in interesting times,” as the saying goes….oh that we did Ji me old mucker. As a devout coward less interesting times would be greatly appreciated. So Boris pull your finger out please? Xūyào rènzhēn lā chū shǒuzhǐ. Hùxiāng zhàogù!

**Injury time update, interrupted while using the poop station as the eldest had PlayStation issues, FFS!

#Pandemic #ToiletTactics #MARC #DaveApocalypse